Ruined

you've ruined me
made me so bitter
a haze through which i cant see
and a mind full of your litter

you've ruined me
cant you see the effect
I'm something you could never be
but soon there will be nothing left

Ive hoped and tried
Ive kicked and cried
but to you its all the same
you ll never take the blame

you've ruined me
my heart no longer whole
to this you'll never agree
but ill never get back what you stole

you ruined me
caught me in your snare
you ruined me
and i no longer care

Untitled

dont open your mouth
dont speak
dont even try
dont you know youre a freak?

stay away
stay in your place
stay away or you will pay
stay away, hide your disfigured face

look up to us, we're above you
look up to us, you know you cant stand alone
look at this, see what ypou do?
look, you cant be accepted, the seeds already sown

try, try to behave your best
try not to set them off
try? you try? you jest
try not to make them scoff

fly, fly away from this world
fly into something more
fly, like a butterfly unfurled
fly, what are you waiting for?

Real

Is this real? I ask myself. Everyday. Every moment. How can it not be real? I feel it. Everything reminds me of him. Everything. But I don’t know him. Not really. I know how I feel. I know that is real. But is he real? The image of him I keep in my head. Is that real? Everywhere I go I expect him to be there. Every time the door opens I pray its him. For a moment every new face is him. And then it’s gone. But is this all really even about him? Or is it about me. Do I want him? Or do I just want someone. Is this just some perverse need of mine? To continually have someone to obsess about? Or do I really like him?

When You Were Young

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy
To to save your from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now- here he comes

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentlemen
Like you imagined when you were young

Can we climb this mountain
I don't know
Higher now than ever before
I know we can make it if we take it slow
Let's take it easy
Easy now, watch it go

We're burning down the highway skyline
On the back of a hurricane that started turning
When you were young
When you were young

And sometimes you close your eyes and see the place where you Used to live
When you were young

They say the devil's water, it ain't so sweet
You don't have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once in a little while

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now here he comes

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentlemen
Like you imagined when you were young
When you were young

I said he doesn't look a thing like Jesus
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But more than you'll ever know

Weirdos...

“they don’t really talk to people they don’t know”
“ummm why?”
“well they don’t really like people they don’t know”
“so how do they get to know people in the first place if they don’t like them when they don’t know them and don’t talk to them?”
“uhhh… *looks thoroughly confused* Ayesha shut up you ask too many questions”

what is this??? If you don’t know someone you immediately begin to dislike them? And you don’t talk to people you don’t know…hmmm OK then. Well this explains the monosyllabic answers I get to my genuinely interested questions *puts on her “hmmm youre life is SO interesting to me” face*

“so how was your exam yesterday, I heard it was really hard”
“good”
“oh that’s nice…. I bet you studied really hard”
“no”
“oh..OK then… ummm… ill see you later…”
"*Continues to stare blankly at my chest*”

see what I mean?? I mean really you could at least have the courtesy to pretend to be listening to what I'm saying!!

“They’re a little shy is all”
“ *snorts and then chokes as the coke in her mouth goes into her nose and down her windpipe*”
“Ayesha stop laughing like a weirdo! Its NOT funny! I'm serious!”
“ *is unable to reply for obvious reasons*”

shy? I think not…more like they re spoilt little mamas boys… did I mention the hair gel?? Oh God!!! I wont even start…

“mama I can I have a new car from Japan?”
“of course beta…give mama a kissshyyy now and finish your paratha”

I kid you not!!

“my food isn’t here on time… and where is the driver???!!!” *smashes his 30 thousand rupee phone* “I waaaannnnttt fooooodddddddd!!!!*

UGH get a life!! lol ok im done…the moral of the story being… STAY AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE!! haha...so I'm going to stop now before she kills me...

Disconnected soul
Lost in the darkness of dreams
Escapes from reality

Fake emotions reign
Fake words from all the fake hearts
Fake including me

Temporary angst
Pretenders all around me
Clichés on paper

Unreal agony
standing outside looking in
comfy in my skin

The Beginning

This is the beginning. i know how it will start, it already has started....I'm not sure what the journey will be like, or where we will be at the end.but that's OK...because it has started and that makes everything else OK...it makes living in this world bearable. I'm not even really sure what this is...what have i started? what have i gotten myself into this time? not that that matters anyhow...so here we are, at the beginning. lets make this journey count shall we?

"I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down. You know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet"