Untitled

naked.
and exposed.
my shaved head,
your wide grin.
come on. haunt me again.
emotionally unavailable.
but your body can be mine
not your heart,
never your soul;
your bruised, blackened soul.
stare.
strangely captivated by my-
relative innocence.
irresistibly drawn to
red lips and white teeth.
come on. leave me again.
lead me on-
then leave me alone
i won't mind this time.

Inside You

i want to know
I'm dying to find out
what it is that makes you tick
what i do that makes you kick

i reach deep inside you
start to look around
the shades of black are overwhelming
the shades of gray are never-ending

i start inside your head
sorting through memories
and boxes full of pictures
and jars full of tears

Heres a spool of threaded lies
its wound around your heart
heres the apple of your eye
heres the love that wouldn't die

i found the bottle of chills
that i had unwittingly given you
i found your whiskey dreams
i found your pouch of melodies

heres a storm raging in your chest
its weaving through your soul
heres my heart on a silver plate
heres the love that came too late

8.10.07

Dear Minayl,

I told you that if I say something out loud I let it out and it escapes me. But if I don’t say it. If I think something, but keep it inside, never tell anyone, what happens? Is it even real? When something good happens to someone they immediately want to tell someone. Just to make it real. To make it official. If no one knows about it, it might as well have not happened. I’m always scared that people will know what I’m thinking. How would people react if they knew what goes on in my head? I should be ashamed of myself. So should you. I hate people so much sometimes that I just want to run away. Why cant people just do what I want? Why cant the world be right? How can some people do the things that they do? Have you ever seen a horror movie and thought how could someone do that? To kill, intentionally hurt someone... i guess there is a sense of power in knowing that you could control the life of someone other than you. It’s called a God complex... or is that just extreme megalomania? I would rather die than feel that power. It makes me feel sick. She is a megalomaniac. She’s also pretty ugly if you really look at her. Scrawny and bird-like... I think she should cut her hair. And maybe her head along with it.
Love, Ayesha

My Only One

So here goes
my opium fantasy
i don't know where it leads
(it takes me away)

And behind this mask of color
my face is pale and gray
and under this listless action
my heart is red and sore

so I'll take you down
with my darkest dreams
into this endless night
I'll take you down
don't know where i am
but i know who you are

You touched my heart
and i cried out loud
it burns my unfaithful flesh
(it keeps me sane)

And i know I'm mad
to love you
but i cant slip away this time

so I'll take you down
with my darkest dreams
into this endless night
I'll take you down
don't know where i am
but i know who you are
(my only one)